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| It's Halloween Eve! Yes, it has been a while since I've last updated my xanga. Was just too busy and obsessive over school and stuff, even though I'm not doing as great as I would've liked. I have a football game today, UGH. I'M SO TIRED. I DON'T WANNA GO DAMMIT. Oh well, this is the result of being either a cheerleader or in the marching band. Yes, us cheerleaders we love our band, they are extremely supportiveeeee! W.o them we can't do much lmaoo. And music always brightens the mood! I guess this also means I can't participate in Mischeif Night. Well not that I ever did anyway. Throwing toilet paper, baby powder, and eggs isn't my best idea of fun. Unless I'm acting like a crazy ass lunatic. That just MIGHT be fun since I like spazzing. As the Hawaiians say, "Hang Looooose~!" Oh how I miss Hawaii. I stayed there last summer 2009 for like 3 weeks. It was amazing. I stayed in these awesome villa/suite thingiemabobs and omggg it was so nice. I love the food there. Maybe cuz the atmosphere/mood is better than being in a school cafeteria and stuff. Harharharrr. And if anyone reads this, you can see how off-topic I can get :) "Karma is a bitch." | | |
| Dramaa sucks. It's there everywhere I go. I hope it stops soon cuz it's just a bunch of shit. Especially from the people who don't understand the situation and think they did nothing wrong. So dumb. I hope they realize that the things they do to others will return to them. Karma, bitch. Deja vu. Whatever. And Xanga is just so dead. I don't know why I'm blogging either. I should be studying my ass off but I'm just too tired to do that. -Sigh- My life is so incomplete</3...... | | |
| I love Autumn, it's my favorite season. Not too cold, not too hot, with nice breezes. I love how the leaves change color. It's like looking at the personalities of the trees (don't ask). It makes me feel calm and feels soothing to my ever throbbing brain. I love love love it! Even at any state of stress or panic, when I go outside I feel better at once. It's like my Tylenol, cuz I can't swallow Tylenol pills (dont ask). As Fall comes, so does football season! (shit). Now I have intense school crap and cheerleading and marching band and more crap! (shit). I wish I was a tree or something. So I can slowly enjoy the seasons and do nothing, yet be happy with it. Since everyones crazy about the "Save the Planet!" bull, I wouldn't worry about being cut down or something. In the future, when I'm rich and powerful, (LMAO) I'm gonna find myself a nice house near some country-ish area, like in some parts of Canada or upper-state New York, and have a nice view of trees and things. A get away for me and maybe my future husband (screw the kids...). Someplace where I can watch the trees, birds, and possibly a sunset! I love sunsets. But I heard that if you're a sunset watcher you're depressed, which is true because I'm always depressed about something, even if I don't show it. If you're a sunrise watcher than you're a happy person with no damn worries! Luck you! (f.u.). Like my new layout? It's a bit anime-ish but I like the skin/textures and the french on it. I need to find one of those little music player thingiemabobs to fill up space. | | |
| I'm gonna try to "blog" as much as I can but I'm honestly too lazy to type up entries. BUT I will write stuff when I want to rant :] You guys, help me find a layout. I can't find a decent one without an annoying format according to Raymond :P Now that us students cordially welcome the advent of school, I'M GETTING FRIKIN NERVOUS. I'm afraid of the teachers and what classes I'm in and if I'll do well, etcetera. I didn't even finish my summer reading. Sparknotes is amazing. I need to find myself a bf this year, HAHAHA. So, the previous week I went on a vacation trip with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was probably the most fun I ever had this whole summer! I like spending time with my "distant" family, the ones I don't live with 24/7. Since we don't know each other's bad sides it's easier to cope with them... But I love my little cousins very much, they're just so adorablee. And they worship me LMAO (they're all 5-6 yrs. of course they would). Yes, they get on my nerves but they aren't as bratty as the kids are at the pool I work at (shudder) The place was called Seaside Heights and it's a big big town. It's literally by the sea side lmao. I stayed in a cute little beach house that my family owns. I went to the beach and the weather was surprisingly nice! Wasn't too hot or too cold, just nice and sunny with an ocean breeze. The water was clean too. I went on a beach where you could drive your cars on it with a permit thing so it was much better than dragging all the beach crap with you. I also went to the boardwalk and I like them cuz they have games and restaurants and carnival things. It was awesome. OMG I also went crabbing on little tiny boats. I caught like 4 crabs lmao but it was disgusting cuz you have to use your hands not a fishing pole or crab cage. Supposedly, you aren't allowed to use crab cages on the boats. So we used strings with hooks on the end and you would attach dead, gross, bloody, slimy, repulsive, cut-up fish on it and throw it into the water. The fish was disgusting cuz the intestines would hang out and all the guts would just make you puke. But other than that it was fun. ANDD I drove the boat! My uncle let me, it was fcking amazing. It was like that motor boat thing so you twist and steer the boat and stuff and it was so cool. I hyperventilated so I accidentally speeded up the engine and water went flying everywhere it was mad funny. Next time I go on a boat I'm gonna steer it! I got a teeny tan as well but not enough to show people my brownness. So I'll have to go buy that tanning product Grace found :] Haha <3 | | |
| Okay, so yesterday I went to my church's annual lock-in event. It's when we have worship, games, and sleep-over at our church. It was damn tiring but I must say, I really got more out of it than being sleep-deprived. I haven't been to church in a couple of weeks due to my weekend job but even before that I still had this really low faith in religious matters. This lock-in reminded me of all the things I was missing out in life and all the things that could be better. When I was younger, I obviously had a better life because school-pressure wasn't AS intense and whatever, but the point is I was happy. I was content. I had everything I ever needed, family, friends, a brighter outlook on life. And that was when I really had strong faith in God, and I really do believe that Christianity was making my life good. Yet now, I feel like utter shit. I feel like shit every single day because all I care about is typical things like school, grades, parents, a social life, clothes, chores, summer reading, crap like that. My faith in God was rapidly decreasing and I could sense myself becoming for pessimistic and unhappy. I know this sounds corny and shit but seriously, God helped me live a better life in believing that all my burdens would be gone and all the sins I've committed have been forgiven. And now I want that back. I want to be good with life and I don't want to waste another day thinking tomorrow will be the same old shit happening again and again. I want to live life to the fullest. But in my case, that'll never happen which is because of my frikin parents. Seriously, I want to shoot them sometimes -oops I just sinned- but I don't think anyone will ever know how I feel about them. They don't support me or care for me they just feed me and provide me with a home because I'm there. They even said to me that themselves is the most important thing to each other and that me and my sister are just posse things. I don't want to be a fcking posse thing dammit. I want to have a freaking place in my family where I'm supposed to be. My sister has MUCH better relations with my parents than I do. They think I have attitude problems but they're the ones that can't handle kids. Back to topic, as you can see, when I grow up and leave my parents' home I am going to live my life the way I want it. If I screw up, then I screwed up. I just can't wait until I'm an adult so that no one can nag me about trivial crap like grades or laundry. Although I do want to go to a good college... That's all for now. For those who read through everything, thank you, you wouldn't imagine what that means to me. If you didn't....screw you. Just kidding. Any objections, then too bad for you. :) <3 | | |
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