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| Seriously. I thought life was going okay for me. I did well on my report card except for chemistry but fuck chemistry no one cares about that. I really hate my family. Family, the one thing that is close to you and is expected to support you no matter what kind of shit you go through. Well, I guess my idea of family is a little biased. I don't really hate my sister, but let me not jinx that. She's okay to some extent. But my parents on the other hand. Jesus fucking Christ, they do not have the right to treat me like utter shit. I'm their daughter not their personal slave. There are some thing I will do for them and some things I won't. At this point, I feel suicidal but not really at the same time. I just want everything to go away and leave me alone, but yet I'm too young to die. I've been officially grounded by my fucking mother till January just because I told her I can't carry like 15 grocery bags by myself. Just because of that, she thinks I'm some ungrateful bitch. Well, look who's talking. She doesn't work or anything and all she has to do is give me rides to school and buy groceries and shit. And I'm the one trying not to piss them off everyday of their lives. I know parents are very important but when they don't act like loving members of your family I think all that is complete crap. I know that they are trying hard to support the family and I know that they think whatever they do they have us in mind. That's all my mom tells me. Yet she pressures me about college and grades and money. All she cares about. She doesn't care about my feelings that's what. She cares about my reputation. My dad on the other hand, he doesn't really know what goes on in the household cuz he's working, which I prefer. I wish my mom worked so she has better things to worry about. I hate how they say they had the same experiences as us in highscool but honestly that's a fucking lie. Our generation is much more heavy in competition than theirs were. We can't get into prestigious colleges easily, nor get good professional jobs because that's what everyone else wants. Especially with this failing economy, making money is difficult. Studying for school is harder. Everything is harder. I don't give a shit about their past lives because it's in the past. Don't get me wrong, I'm greatful for everything my parents have done for me but they way they treat me and expect me to give something in return is wrong. That's what kids do. Bashing your kid won't help much. That won't treat it discipline, but only to hate you even more. I just cannot wait until I leave my household. It's not like they want me either. My parents are always talking about how they're gonna move far away from us once we grow-up, thinking we'll miss them. They'll miss us even more. They'll be the ones wanting Christmas cards every December. I don't need nor want that. I want to live my life the way I want it to be, the best way it can be, on my standards. After typing this angrily onto my comp, I'm worried for how my child will see me as their mother. I just hope I'm not like how my mom was to me. At this point, I hope the 2012 crisis is real. Wow, I'm so emo. God, can't help me on this one. Because either way, I'll reject His assistance. I'm sick and tired of this fucking bullshit every fucking second of my God forsaken shitty life. Whatever, I'll edit this later. | | |
| It's Halloween Eve! Yes, it has been a while since I've last updated my xanga. Was just too busy and obsessive over school and stuff, even though I'm not doing as great as I would've liked. I have a football game today, UGH. I'M SO TIRED. I DON'T WANNA GO DAMMIT. Oh well, this is the result of being either a cheerleader or in the marching band. Yes, us cheerleaders we love our band, they are extremely supportiveeeee! W.o them we can't do much lmaoo. And music always brightens the mood! I guess this also means I can't participate in Mischeif Night. Well not that I ever did anyway. Throwing toilet paper, baby powder, and eggs isn't my best idea of fun. Unless I'm acting like a crazy ass lunatic. That just MIGHT be fun since I like spazzing. As the Hawaiians say, "Hang Looooose~!" Oh how I miss Hawaii. I stayed there last summer 2009 for like 3 weeks. It was amazing. I stayed in these awesome villa/suite thingiemabobs and omggg it was so nice. I love the food there. Maybe cuz the atmosphere/mood is better than being in a school cafeteria and stuff. Harharharrr. And if anyone reads this, you can see how off-topic I can get :) "Karma is a bitch." | | |
| Dramaa sucks. It's there everywhere I go. I hope it stops soon cuz it's just a bunch of shit. Especially from the people who don't understand the situation and think they did nothing wrong. So dumb. I hope they realize that the things they do to others will return to them. Karma, bitch. Deja vu. Whatever. And Xanga is just so dead. I don't know why I'm blogging either. I should be studying my ass off but I'm just too tired to do that. -Sigh- My life is so incomplete</3...... | | |
| I love Autumn, it's my favorite season. Not too cold, not too hot, with nice breezes. I love how the leaves change color. It's like looking at the personalities of the trees (don't ask). It makes me feel calm and feels soothing to my ever throbbing brain. I love love love it! Even at any state of stress or panic, when I go outside I feel better at once. It's like my Tylenol, cuz I can't swallow Tylenol pills (dont ask). As Fall comes, so does football season! (shit). Now I have intense school crap and cheerleading and marching band and more crap! (shit). I wish I was a tree or something. So I can slowly enjoy the seasons and do nothing, yet be happy with it. Since everyones crazy about the "Save the Planet!" bull, I wouldn't worry about being cut down or something. In the future, when I'm rich and powerful, (LMAO) I'm gonna find myself a nice house near some country-ish area, like in some parts of Canada or upper-state New York, and have a nice view of trees and things. A get away for me and maybe my future husband (screw the kids...). Someplace where I can watch the trees, birds, and possibly a sunset! I love sunsets. But I heard that if you're a sunset watcher you're depressed, which is true because I'm always depressed about something, even if I don't show it. If you're a sunrise watcher than you're a happy person with no damn worries! Luck you! (f.u.). Like my new layout? It's a bit anime-ish but I like the skin/textures and the french on it. I need to find one of those little music player thingiemabobs to fill up space. | | |
| I'm gonna try to "blog" as much as I can but I'm honestly too lazy to type up entries. BUT I will write stuff when I want to rant :] You guys, help me find a layout. I can't find a decent one without an annoying format according to Raymond :P Now that us students cordially welcome the advent of school, I'M GETTING FRIKIN NERVOUS. I'm afraid of the teachers and what classes I'm in and if I'll do well, etcetera. I didn't even finish my summer reading. Sparknotes is amazing. I need to find myself a bf this year, HAHAHA. So, the previous week I went on a vacation trip with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was probably the most fun I ever had this whole summer! I like spending time with my "distant" family, the ones I don't live with 24/7. Since we don't know each other's bad sides it's easier to cope with them... But I love my little cousins very much, they're just so adorablee. And they worship me LMAO (they're all 5-6 yrs. of course they would). Yes, they get on my nerves but they aren't as bratty as the kids are at the pool I work at (shudder) The place was called Seaside Heights and it's a big big town. It's literally by the sea side lmao. I stayed in a cute little beach house that my family owns. I went to the beach and the weather was surprisingly nice! Wasn't too hot or too cold, just nice and sunny with an ocean breeze. The water was clean too. I went on a beach where you could drive your cars on it with a permit thing so it was much better than dragging all the beach crap with you. I also went to the boardwalk and I like them cuz they have games and restaurants and carnival things. It was awesome. OMG I also went crabbing on little tiny boats. I caught like 4 crabs lmao but it was disgusting cuz you have to use your hands not a fishing pole or crab cage. Supposedly, you aren't allowed to use crab cages on the boats. So we used strings with hooks on the end and you would attach dead, gross, bloody, slimy, repulsive, cut-up fish on it and throw it into the water. The fish was disgusting cuz the intestines would hang out and all the guts would just make you puke. But other than that it was fun. ANDD I drove the boat! My uncle let me, it was fcking amazing. It was like that motor boat thing so you twist and steer the boat and stuff and it was so cool. I hyperventilated so I accidentally speeded up the engine and water went flying everywhere it was mad funny. Next time I go on a boat I'm gonna steer it! I got a teeny tan as well but not enough to show people my brownness. So I'll have to go buy that tanning product Grace found :] Haha <3 | | |
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